Bass Down Low

Last night was Acoustic Christmas that 107.5 The River puts on every year, but this is the first time I've won tickets.  Here was the line up:
Hot Chelle Rae
Miranda Cosgrove
The Ready Set
Dev (from Far East Movement)
Plain White T's
Natasha Bedingfield
Robyn
Jay Sean
Mike Posner


My would-be boyfriend Bruno Mars was on tap to perform but got sick and had to cancel.  That has put a damper on our relationship, but I suppose I can forgive him since he was sick.  They told us boyfriend Bruno would be back this summer for a make up show. 


The thing about Acoustic Christmas is that the only way in is to win tickets (unless you buy them from some d-bag who wins tickets just to sell them on Craig's List), but they give out more tickets than there are seats so that if you win and can't come, there won't be empty seats.  I totally get that, but it also means there is a chance you won't get in at all.  People had been in line since 6:00 Friday morning!  We didn't get there until around 5:30 (in the evening, obvs) and the doors were to open at 6:00.  IT. WAS. COLD.  Could have been worse, but I'm glad it wasn't!  Once we were finally in, we had balcony seats, which was 110% fine with me since after seeing Paramore at Nashville Auditorium, or should I say after seeing the back of some super tall dude's shirt while I watched the Paramore concert through camera and phone screens around me.  Anyway, each act did about 4 songs; the show started at 7:00 and we left about 12:30 am.


I am very big on artists sounding good LIVE, sans autotune, and their live performances being entertaining.  I'll give Taylor Swift props for playing guitar well and for writing her own material (even if I don't care for it, she is doing something many other artists don't do, or aren't able to do - songwriting is not for everyone!) but ol' girl can't sing.  Remember that infamous performance with Stevie Nicks?  YIKES!  So, that being said I was excited to see how everyone sounded in an acoustic setting without all the technology so many artists rely on.


Up first was Hot Chelle Rae, some local (to Nashville) guys and their song Bleed has been doing well at least in this region.  They sounded good live and put on a decent show.  It will be interesting to see how that band grows and develops their stage presence.


Second was Miranda Cosgrove.  While I am afflicted with the curse of being over the age of 17, and therefore unable to listen to copious amounts of songs that have the letter "U" instead of the actual word "You" in the title, I will say I was pleasantly surprised with her.  She sounded good (but did use a backing track on at least a couple of songs), had some back up dancers that were adorable and I liked her boots.  I don't know that she is one I will go see again, but I'm not really in her age demographic. 


When The Ready Set took the stage, I stood up and "woo'd" as any seasoned concert goer would do.  I love their song "Love Like Woe".  I was disappointed that they relied on backing tracks as much as they did but I will let it slide because I think their song is catchy as *$%~!


Dev, from The Far East Movement, was a pleasant surprise.  The "acoustic" band was a guy with a laptop, keyboard and who knows what else, and that was all.  Still, she was great. I loved her attitude, energy and songs.  I will definitely buy her album when it comes out!  Of course, she did "Like a G6" for us and the 808 bump made us put our hands up.


When the Plain White T's took the stage, they looked like they had robbed a bunch of Mennonites and stolen their clothes; except for the drummer.  He was dressed like a hobo on a train.  I'm pretty sure he had his lunch wrapped in a red bandanna and tied to a stick somewhere backstage.  Aesthetically pleasing, they were not (well, that one blond guy would still be cute, no matter what) but if you closed your eyes and listened it sounded a little like bits of musical manna from heaven falling on your ears.  Props to Plain White T's for embracing an acoustic show and playing it stripped down.  Would I see them again if the opportunity arose?  You betcha!  Musically they are an amazingly talented group.


If I could only use three words to describe Natasha Bedingfield they would be as follows: AH.  MAZ.  ING.  She was such a phenomenal vocalist that even as I type this, twelve hours after seeing her, I still have trouble finding the right words to describe her.  I had always liked her work, but she was never a stand-out artists to me until last night.  Now I am going to dig out her CD's I have and get them on my iPod.  I already downloaded her new song "Strip Me" from iTunes.  She had an acoustic guitar player, a percussionist on a thing she called a cajone (I had never seen one before but it was really cool!) and a back up singer.  No backing tracks, no laptops, no synths -  just one of the very best vocal performances I have ever witnessed.  Go see Natasha Bedingfield, you will not be disappointed!  She is definitely on my list of artists to see when she goes on tour.


I'm not sure what to say about Robyn.  I think I missed the whole allure of her, but so many others enjoyed her.  The world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same things.  So, I give her credit for being out there, doing her thing and getting such a great response from the audience.


Jay Sean... what to say?  He could have just stood up there and talked for his entire set and I would have been just as happy.  Everything sounds better with a British accent, doesn't it?  There was some delay getting him out on stage and I'm not sure what was going on but his band (aka - one acoustic guitar player and another guy at the keyboard, laptop, etc) was starting to lose my interested until he finally came out.  I think he relied unnecessarily on electronics.  When he sang by himself, he did an outstanding job but his vocal talents got lost with all the backing tracks and extras.  I would have liked to see a real acoustic show from Jay Sean because I think he would have rocked even harder.  He's got a new album coming out in 2011, so it will be exciting to see what's in store for him.


I think the artist that surprised me the most was Mike Posner.  By the time he came out on stage it was late and the crowd had really thinned out, so we went down to floor level and I got some good pictures.  Again, it wasn't an acoustic show but felt more like I was at a rock concert than any of the other performers.  Experiencing his show had me pumped up (which was nice for the drive back) and as soon as I got home I downloaded a few of his songs.  I really didn't expect to like his music at all, I mean, on the radio it's ok but has never been my favorite.  He kind of had that just-got-out-of-jail look to him, but I was pleasantly surprised with him and have officially been converted to a Posner fan!


Did I mention that I was crushed Bruno Mars wasn't there?  Oh well...


So, that is my Acoustic Christmas '10 recap!  Everyone who was able to attend should send a HUGE thanks to 107.5 The River for putting on such an amazing show as a gift to their listeners.  Also, support these artists!  Buy your music, don't download it illegally, and buy tickets to the concerts!  As Natasha Bedingfield put it so eloquently, once the artist puts out their music, it is ours now.  I believe we should treat the gift they have given us as a treasure.

Friends

Tonight Im a little reflective after attending the wedding of one of the most amazing women I've ever known.  When I was a kid and teenager, she was a constant fixture in my life.  Along with countless other kids, she gave me rides in her Mustangs, taught me how to toilet paper a house (and car), showed us the art of cramming 15 people in a telephone booth and a thousand other things that I find it humorous that I learned at church.  While I grew up and lost touch with her, I took it forgranted that my friend would always be around whenever I wanted to talk to her, obviously at my convenience. 


Today, as I watched this phenomenal woman get married (to a man that has sufficiently been threatened by no less than 50 gun-toting baptists) and heard talk of her moving away to start her new life with her husband, I selfishly feel sorry for myself for losing her.  Had I talked to her face-to-face in the last year?  Nope.  Without FaceBook & Words with Friends, I don't know that I would have communicated with her at all.  I always thought I could just see her whenver I wanted. 


I just wanted to take a quick minute to tell you all to not ignore your friends.  It takes two to make ANY relationship work - especially friendships.  If you love having someone in your life, make sure they know it and make time for them. 


Lastly, I'll leave you with the words of the song "Friends" that was played at the wedding:
Packing up the dreams God planted




In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong


Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.


With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Congrats to Lesia - thank you for all you taught me along the way! <3

Alright With Me

It would seem that ever since I set this blog up, I've had absolutely nothing to blog about!  Go figure.  So... I thought I'd give you all a quick update just to say hi.  Lots of people have asked if I've heard anymore from crazy, weirdo baseball guy and the answer to that is (thankfully) no!  Kicking strange individuals off your MySpace/Facebook page is utterly liberating.  I highly recommend it.


Went to Ohio a couple of weeks ago with my friend Chad to help him out with a barrel racing clinic.  The days were long and nights were short but we survived both the 2-day one-way trip without wanting to kill each other. 


Oh, I've also decided that I'm never getting married.  What led to this life-changing decision you ask?  The fact that I watched my parents move in a new fridge and stove yesterday.  Hello insanity!  I'm pretty sure I don't ever want any part of that craziness.  No thank you!  But congrats to my girl TamiG on getting engaged and the fast-approaching wedding.  Much love to you sweets!


A random tidbit of nothingness: I to speak insurance companies all day at work and last week, when I realized I had said "E, as in Edward" 5 times in a row, I panicked slightly thinking I sounded like a huge Twilight geek (and yeah, I've already got my tickets for Eclipse this weekend... don't judge me!).  But today, I found someone worse than me.  Whatever claim number she was giving me apparently had the letters "E" and "J" next to each other and as she is reading the number she says "E, as in Edward. J, as in Jacob."  Hahahahahaha!  I was this close to asking her if she was a Twilight freak, but I refrained as I was actually trying to be professional.  Still, even I don't say "J, as in Jacob."  :)


Hopefully I'll have some exciting news about singing to share with you all soon, but it's best not to put the cart in front of the horse, right? 


I love comments like a fat kid loves cake... ok, like I love cake!

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I need more structure in my life.  Or maybe I need a personal assistant to keep me on track.  Could I interest anyone in that position?  It would require the following:


Making sure I get up before 7:00 - I have to be at work at 8:00, so you can see how the timing gets a little tricky on the days I can't find my keys (or fall asleep in the shower, or sleep walk over to my alarm & turn it off without realizing it).


Managing my finances - This shouldn't be a particulary hard job seeing as how I spend it as quickly as I make it, but it could probably be alloted out a little more appropriately.  Sometimes, the satellite bill should be paid before new shoes are bought, but my mind doesn't always comprehend that thought.


Motivating me to exercise - I'd prefer you to be like that drill seargent guy from Celebrity Fit Club that screams at the fatties.  If you could dangle a cupcake in front of my face (like that trick with a carrot in front of a donkey in the cartoons), I'm pretty sure that could get me interested in moving.


Making me practice singing & guitar - Alright, so singing isn't so much of an issue as the guitar.  The ability to give me guitar lessons is a plus.  Must be able to tolerate my constant whining about hurting fingers & exuberent gushing of pride when my fingers bleed (which will be followed by relentless quoting of one line of Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69").  I will feel badass - you should acknowledge my badassness.


Making me ride my horse - Not so much in practice, but making sure I actually GET to the barrel race.  Drill seargent Harvey attitude would probably be effective in this capacity as well.


The benefits to being my personal manager include, but are not limited to, continual witty commentary provided by yours truly, room & board (how do you feel about an air mattress?), and transportation as I will find you entirely too valuable to ever leave my side so I will take you everywhere.  No monitary compensation, 401K or health insurance is offered (because, well hey - you'll see my finances) but I'm sure my company will be reward enough.


I love comments like a fat kid loves cake (ok - so I love them like I love cake!) - so make sure to leave 'em!

Up On The Ridge

Bear with me as I let my inner music nerd lose for a few moments.  Last night I went to the church of country and bluegrass music: Ryman Auditorium.  I almost felt like I should take my shoes off for entering hallowed ground as I walked up the steps covered in thick carpet colored cranberry red.  The staircase looked like something that belongs in Gone With the Wind and once inside I passed glass cases filled with treasures.  Porter Wagoner's rhinestone suit, Dolly Parton's dress, outfits worn by Johnny and June and a Martin guitar played by a bluegrass legend were just a small selection of this country music time capsule.  I searched for the ghost of Minnie Pearl but only found her hat with the trademark price tag (Minnie held me once when I was a baby, I'm proud to say!).  The stained glass windows let in a rainbow of light and the entire building seemed to pulsate with history.  When I think of all the legends that have walked those steps, maybe even sat in the seat where I was, I couldn't help but get emotional.

I'd been dying to go to Ryman Auditorium for a while, but I wanted to find just the right person to see my first time there.  Call me biased, but I couldn't go see Hole at The Ryman.  It's just not right.  So, I was excited to actually win tickets to Dierks Bentley (from a Twitter contest no less).  With all due respect to Dierks, I'd never seen him live before and wondered if it would be any good... but then I saw that this was actually a bluegrass tour and part of the Del McCoury band was going to be with him.  Well, anything that Del McCoury's band plays is phenomenal so I was getting pretty excited.  When we saw Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton in February at the Grand Ole Opry, Del's band was playing and I nearly peed myself I was so excited!

A couple of the perks of winning the Ryman contest on Twitter was a hatch show print AND a meet and greet.  The entire experience was amazing!  I am beyond happy that my first concert at the Ryman was this show.  Hayes Carll opened the show and he wasn't really bluegrass; more like rockabilly.  I looked him up online and saw he was from Austin, Texas, which explains the red dirt sound he had.  Dierks was accompanied by the Travelin' McCourys and as I said before, they are mind-blowing (even Kristen who is not what you'd call a fan of bluegrass music was impressed at these guy's skills).  I was happy to see the great songwriter John Randall there too and learn that he'd been instrumental in this album.  As the show progressed, Chris Thile (formerly of Nickle Creek) and his new band, Punch Brothers, came out and rocked a few songs.  Chris reminds me a little of John Mayer in that when he's playing, it's like the entire room just fades away and he is alone with his mandolin.  It's intimate and you almost feel like you're intruding to watch.  But watch I did, as well as hoot and holler like a seasoned concert goer who was thoroughly enjoying herself.  Then, when I didn't think it could get any better, Del McCoury came out on stage and did a duet with Dierks.  I'm not lying, they did a bluegrass version of the U2 song "Pride (In the Name of Love)".  Never has a U2 song sounded so good.

In my own little way, I unleash my sentimental musical self on you as an inadequate way to say thank you to everyone involved with the Up On the Ridge tour and to every musical genius that has walked the halls of Ryman Auditorium.  Also, thanks to Lisaann at the Ryman for being so great at keeping in touch and giving me such an amazing opportunity.  I'm off to find a thesaurus as the word "amazing" has lost it's power due to my over-use in the last 24 hours.

She's A Big Star

You may have noticed that a lot of my blog titles are actually song titles that I ganked because they seemed to fit whatever mood I'm in, or whatever I'm inclined to blog about at any given time.  Today's title is no different.  Saturday I'll be heading to Portsmouth, Ohio for my first singing gig in, oh, I don't know how long.  It's been literally four years as best as I recall.  Not that I haven't been known to get my karaoke on after a few drinks (Who am I kidding?  I'm a microphone whore; I'll karaoke stone sober...).  Also thanks to some awesome friends who play (Lee Harvey & the Ministers of Death) I'll occasionally rock a mic if I'm out while they're playing.


Which brings me to Saturday... this will be an "opry" style show, with the house band doing a few songs & I'm the featured guest.  I'll sing five to seven songs with a fun wardrobe change during intermission.  Am I nervous?  Nah.  I know I can sing, I know I can perform (although I have been known to forget the words once or twice) & I know when I'm on the stage, I'll feel like I'm the queen of the world.  I'll even be all professional, not eating any dairy products the day of the show & refrain from doing that "ahem" thing to clear my throat.  So, nervous?  Nope.  Excited?  HELL YEAH!  Getting ready for this show has made me realize how much I've missed singing.


There are a few things I still need to do to be spot-on Saturday night:
Practice, practice, practice
Get a second outfit together
Find one of the largest bags I own & stuff it full with every tube of make-up, styling product, accessories, etc that I own
Charge the video camera so I can prove I was there


Lots to do, but it'll get done.  Fingers are crossed for a safe trip, a good show & hopefully a return spot on the Southern Ohio Opry.

Plush

It's Thursday night & what am I doing?  I'm watching Vampire Diaries.  Seriously, I'm entirely too into this show.  Oh how I wish Mystic Falls were a real place - it's like the town of hot men.  It should be a law that once a week these guys have to walk around without shirts. 


On a totally different subject, I had a major scare this morning.  I was getting ready for work this morning rocking out to Stone Temple Pilots' Plush via iTunes.  All of the sudden, my laptop just shut down & flashed up the black screen of death.  It had some error that I was too wigged out to comprehend, but it was something to the effect of "no drivers could be found".  Of course, this was at the exact moment I needed to walk out the door, so I had to spend the entire work day worried about my baby!  She's not new & she's not perfect, but I don't know that I could function without her!  Well, I could, but I don't want to try. 


Anyway, I made it home & ran directly to my computer - booted her up & the anticipation I felt while waiting for her was indescribable.  I nervously drummed my fingers by the touch pad until she booted up just like normal.  I have no idea what kind of sick joke that was, but I'm so relieved that it's not serious.  Just to be safe though, I'm currently backing up everything on my computer onto an external hard drive.


Well, this has basically been a rambling blog about nothing, but sometimes I need to just get it all out. 


Until next time - may I recommend you be careful when listening to Stone Temple Pilots!

Another One Bites The Dust...

In case anyone read "Good Love Is On the Way" & was dying for an update - here it is.  I just can't help myself & this time around I'm not being nice when it comes to picking apart everything he said… When I last blogged, I sent John Doe a message back the other day asking if he was drunk (because really???) & said he’d have to give me more details about himself before I agreed to anything. Last night, in the middle of the night might I add, I got hit with a barrage of messages from him. Here they go:




Message 1:
was not drunk y did u think that? i always liked u n thought a lot of u. i thought u were sexy n true to ur self i love that. i have no kids i work at companyxzy a mental hospital, n help kids. i do see some one but i dont respect them like i do u . ive known u for a long time , i always wanted to have fun with u. can we do that. get a room go out and see were we stand? i played minor league ball. i had a lot of girls wanting me for money n fame. i always thought u were sexy n respectful n high schoolo. im sry to be so blunt but i always wanted u. thats y can we go out n spend the night together to see were we stand? John Doe


Message 2:
I was not drunk. ok? ive always thought alot of u n high school. i think ur beatiuful n so, so sexy. ive always wanted to be with u , think we have alot n comening. i want to get together n get hotel room n see were we stand . lets talk , n swim, n drink, n , have love. i think me n u can have lots of fun together. no i have no kids,
n no im not engaged. i played minor league baseball n had lots of girls wanting me for my money. if u have someone thats fine just let us have a good time together, n make each other feel good. ur bestest ever John Doe. love!


Message 3:
i work at companyxyz. its a mental health hospital. i also taught n coached high school baseball. i played semi pro ball n had several pro try outs. i also played in the minors in the independent league. i would like to just go out n have fun together.


Keep in mind that I didn't get a chance to even reply to one of these messages before the next two came in.  For your reading pleasure, I’ve interjected my thoughts below. You’ll know they are my comments because I use complete words, capitalization, etc.


was not drunk y did u think that? Oh, I don’t know – just a hunch. i always liked u n thought a lot of u. i thought u were sexy n true to ur self i love that. i have no kids i work at companyxyz a mental hospital, n help
kids. Let's all pray you don't help them with their homework! i do see some one but i dont respect them like i do u Right there, you just solidified yourself as a douche bag.  Mission accomplished. ive known u for a long time No, you haven’t – in the 6 years we went to school together, I can’t recall one memorable conversation & I haven’t seen you since graduation. , i always wanted to have fun with u. can we do that. get a room go out and see were we stand? Did I read that right? i played minor league ball. i had a lot of girls wanting me for money n fame Oh, he is SOOO barking up the wrong tree if he thinks that impresses me. i always thought u were sexy n respectful n high schoolo. im sry to be so blunt but i always wanted u. thats y can we go out n spend the night together to see were we stand? Um, that’s a HELL no. John Doe


Basically, my train of thought follows the same track for the second & third messages he sent. So, I reply back – because I’m definitely awake at this point. Here’s what I write:


See here's the thing, you haven't seen me in years. So spare me the bullshit line about "respecting me" or even about me being sexy because there's no way you could know that to be true. No, I'll not get a room with you & "see where we stand". And obviously you have no idea what I'm like if you think this crazy message is the way to get with me.


Find someone else to be your booty call...


I’m not always so nice when I get woken up in the middle of the night (especially by some asshat who I haven't talked to in 16 years!). What can I say? Of course, he responds. Y’all – I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if I TRIED. Once again I get two messages from him:


Message 1:
im sry i know that n ur right. i respect u. its not a botty call. ok. i was just saying that i thought u were sexy in high school n i didnt act on that. i saw ur picks n i still think u r pretty n sexy ok. i respect u n i would never try to hurt u. ok? i was just saying i thought mayb we can get together n have fun thats all ok? im not that type of person. i thought u already knew from high school.


Message 2 (Now this second one is PRICELESS. The subject is “plse listen im respectful. u know that.”):
i always thought alot of u n high school. i just never had the guts to tell u. i always was ur friend. right? i also always took up for u even when u didnt know it. i respect u. its not just a booty call, its respect n love. i was just sayn lets go out n see were we stand, or see what happens. were friends i always liked u i would never hurt u. i always took up for u n high school. i respect u. u know im a good guy. i just thought we at least could go out n have fun together. a room dont mean nothing. i was just saying go to eat, go to a movie n if we got a room just go swimming or a hot tub n just have fun n talk. if we have something then we will know it. commen sense. right. just wanting to have fun n see wat we can have together ok? nothing wrong wit that right? i was just trying to talk to you,n see if you wanted to go out. ok? i was a good friend to u n high school
just thought we could have something now. John


Oh yeah – I’m definitely picking this one apart:
i always thought alot of u n high school. i just never had the guts to tell u. Ok, I’ll admit – that is kinda cool. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a romantic (don’t worry, it doesn’t last). i always was ur friend. right? Beats the hell out of me – I don’t remember much about you. also always took up for u even when u didnt know it. i respect u. What high school did you go to because I'm pretty sure I wasn't there. its not just a booty call, its respect n love. Did he seriously just use that 4-letter word? LOVE?!?!?!? I need my rubber boots because the shiz is getting deep! i was just sayn lets go out n see were we stand, or see what happens. were friends i always liked u i would never hurt u. Yeah, you would. You’re a guy (I know, I know – jaded much?) i always took up for u n high school. I don’t remember being a damsel in distress all through high school! Did I block out the painful memories? i respect u. u know im a good guy. No, but I do know that right now you are successfully being a skeezy guy. i just thought we at least could go out n have fun together. a room dont mean nothing Uh, it KINDA does when it’s a date. I’m just saying. i was just saying go to eat, go to a movie n if we got a room just go swimming or a hot tub n just have fun n talk. Ol’ dude would stop with the “sexy” talk if he saw me in a swimsuit! if we have something then we will know it. commen sense. Is that anything like common sense? right. just wanting to have fun n see wat we can have together ok? nothing wrong wit that right? i was just trying to talk to you,n see if you wanted to go out. ok? i was a good friend to u n high school just thought we could have something now. Again – WTF is with you thinking we were BFF’s in high school? I’m pretty sure we weren’t!! John


I didn’t have the energy to reply back with much of a response – everything I started to type came out sounding like a Queen Bitch so instead, I said this:


Look, it's the middle of the night. I've got to work in the morning & need to get some sleep. I'll get back to you tomorrow about all if this.


However, the more I think about it - the more I'm thinking the d-bag doesn't get to suck up any more of my time.  And is it just me, or did those messages from him come off as desperate to the point of badgering?  In all seriousness, I didn't get a good vibe from the "tone".


All I can say is that if this is what's swimming around in the no-tell-motel dating pool, I'm out!


Signing off to go find out about getting my concealed carry license.  I think I may need it... LOL!

Good Love Is On The Way

As a 30-something-year-old, I maintain that being single is hard. The dating pool is full of shady, sketchy characters with questionable backgrounds. Sometimes I find out a little too late that they are unemployed, have some baby-mama-drama, or are already in a committed relationship with someone. Then occasionally, there are these random things that come out of nowhere that I don’t even know how to respond to. For example, at 1:30am on Wednesday I got a notification on my phone that said someone on MySpace had sent me a message (and no, I didn’t jump on & read it at 1:30 – I’m practicing self-control). I went back to sleep, opened it the next morning as I was getting ready for work & was surprised to find it was from a guy I had went to school with but didn’t really know. This is what it said (trust me; I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried):



Subject: HEY PRETTY GIRL


HEY GIRL THIS IS “JOHN DOE” WATS GOING ON SEXY? JUST SEEING HOW YOU WERE DOING AND WOUNDERING IF YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET TOGEHER N HAVE SOME FUN? i HAVE ALWAYS RESPECTD YOU IN ALWAYS THOUGHT ALOT OF YOU. HOLLA AT ME SEXY.


For real? Of course, being a girl, I over-think this whole thing. On one hand I wonder if he’s drunk or high because where the hell does he get off calling me sexy? I say this based solely on the fact that he hasn’t seen me in sixteen years (OMG – 16? Ick!). But wait, he did actually have the nerve to send it. But it sounds sort of skeezy, doesn’t it? Plus, he just butchered the entire English language, making a mockery of capitalization, grammar, punctuation and spelling in a mere four sentences. But boys don’t care about that stuff, so it’s probably not important. But why would I want to go on a date with a guy who can’t spell? And, as my dear friend Jeni pointed out, the whole “I respect you thing” often translates into “let me do dirty things to you”.


I replied back & asked if he was drunk. Hey, at this point in the game, I call it like I see it. I didn’t completely blow him off; I did tell him if he was serious then he’d need to give me more details on job, kids, current wife, fiancé or girlfriend. IF I get a reply back, and IF it sounds slightly more put together than something a drunken frat boy would write, THEN we’ll see what happens. If not, no love lost. And if, on the off-chance John Doe* is reading this… well, two things: 1) Consider yourself fortunate that you made it into the blog. Others haven’t been as fortunate. 2) Here you go: a ready-made hand book of things to do.


Single ladies – stick together. It’s an ugly world out there!


*Names have been changed… not for protection, just out of courtesy. :)

John Mayer & Me

Just a quick little blog tonight before bed!


I think John Mayer & I suffer from the same complex.  I'm not exactly sure what the name of it is, but whatever it's called when you have the fear of getting old - I've got it.  I'm pretty sure John Mayer does too.  Or, maybe I'm just reading WAY too much into his lyrics.  I'll admit, I've been pretty obsessed with the d-bag since I saw his concert in Nashville last month but I'm fascinated by the plethora of colorful ways he phrases "I don't want to grow up."


I don't know if it's getting older that bothers me or growing up.  They are two things that are so alike, yet so different.  When I think of getting older I think of how I can go for a month without riding a horse & the next time I'm on one, I'm sore for a week.  My knees hurt, old injuries slow me down and I slap on wrinkle cream like it's nobody's business. 


I try to avoid being a grown up at all costs (with the exception of 8-5, Monday - Friday! Ha!) - I feel sorry for those mom's that you see on Friday nights at Wal-Mart.  They're out at 11:00, in Mickey Mouse sweatshirts pushing two shopping carts full of stuff because apparently a husband & 2.5 kids need as much food & crap as a small army each week.  One night, I heard one of those mom's say to another that she was so excited to be out of the house.  Ugh - NO THANK YOU!  If hitting up the Wally World is the highlight of my life, just shoot me & put me out of my misery.  I don't want a minivan.  I don't even know that I want those rug rats that make driving a minivan a necessity.


Having said that, can you imagine John Mayer in pleated khakis, a sweatshirt with Goofy on it & a sucker firmly lodged in his hair just being glad he's able to get out of the house?  Nah.  Me either.  Of course, if he were "that guy", he probably wouldn't be dodging the paparazzi & oozing verbal diarrhea while simultaneously offending everyone on the face of the earth.  But whatever - that's who he is & I digress...


Anyway, like I said, I can avoid being a grown-up but can I avoid aging?  And how unfair is it that as men get older, they get a little gray & some crow's feet and suddenly they look distinguished?  When it happens to women, we just look old, tired & in serious need of a trip to the salon.  There's nothing like a good double standard! 


Oh well.  That's it for tonight.  It's basically a rambling tangent about nothing in particular.  As I read this, it's not even really humorous & that kind of bums me out.  I will do better next time.  Until then, I'll keep pondering ways to "Stop This Train" & "worry about the outcome of a still verdictless life".  Now go, listen to some John Mayer... songs that is, not interviews! 

Crazy People

Since the whole MySpace thing has fallen by the way-side and everyone has jumped on the FaceBook bandwagon, I've really missed blogging! I actually set this account up a few weeks ago, but have been waiting to come up with the perfect name for the blog and the perfect first topic. I finally decided on "Runaway Girl" because half of the time, that's exactly what I want to do. Maybe the more appropriate name should have been "Wanna Be Runaway" because who knows if I'll ever do that again... But, that's a blog for another day!



This evening, I stumbled right up on the perfect topic by accident. Tonight, I decided to check out Match.com (GASP!!). Wait, wait, wait... I need to throw this out there: This is not a free-for-all to fix me up with someone. Got it? Okay, so anyway - I decided to peek at Match.com just to see what was out there. My reaction to what I found? Oh dear Lord - I'm going to be single forever! Really guys, there should be some ground rules for what you post on personal dating sites. Here are a just a few that I've compiled, along with supporting arguments, to help you in your quest for love:



1 - It is NOT okay to post pictures of you with any other woman on a dating site. If she's your sister, it's creepy that you're posed that way. If she's your ex, you've just let us all know where you're setting the bar (subsequently, we've decided that we are either too good for you, or you're out of our league - or you think you are anyway...). If she's your friend, we already don't like her and can tell she's digging on you.



2 - It is NOT okay to list "online gaming" as your favorite hobby and then believe that you are going to be matched with a supermodel. Really? Does this need any other explination?



3 - It is NOT okay to look completely wasted in every picture you post. You look like an alcoholic. If you're not drunk, then you're just really not photogenic. Have someone help you with those pictures.



4 - If you're gay, just come out of the closet already. Don't waste our time claiming you're seeking women.



Something else I learned is that most guys that are my age that are on there look old! YIKES! I fully admit that I am in denial about being nearly 32, but I try very hard to avoid looking it. Like I said, denial. That too is a blog for another day...



Anyway, for now I will continue my one-woman mission to prove that as the fairer sex, we do not need a man to make us happy!