Good Love Is On The Way

As a 30-something-year-old, I maintain that being single is hard. The dating pool is full of shady, sketchy characters with questionable backgrounds. Sometimes I find out a little too late that they are unemployed, have some baby-mama-drama, or are already in a committed relationship with someone. Then occasionally, there are these random things that come out of nowhere that I don’t even know how to respond to. For example, at 1:30am on Wednesday I got a notification on my phone that said someone on MySpace had sent me a message (and no, I didn’t jump on & read it at 1:30 – I’m practicing self-control). I went back to sleep, opened it the next morning as I was getting ready for work & was surprised to find it was from a guy I had went to school with but didn’t really know. This is what it said (trust me; I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried):



Subject: HEY PRETTY GIRL


HEY GIRL THIS IS “JOHN DOE” WATS GOING ON SEXY? JUST SEEING HOW YOU WERE DOING AND WOUNDERING IF YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET TOGEHER N HAVE SOME FUN? i HAVE ALWAYS RESPECTD YOU IN ALWAYS THOUGHT ALOT OF YOU. HOLLA AT ME SEXY.


For real? Of course, being a girl, I over-think this whole thing. On one hand I wonder if he’s drunk or high because where the hell does he get off calling me sexy? I say this based solely on the fact that he hasn’t seen me in sixteen years (OMG – 16? Ick!). But wait, he did actually have the nerve to send it. But it sounds sort of skeezy, doesn’t it? Plus, he just butchered the entire English language, making a mockery of capitalization, grammar, punctuation and spelling in a mere four sentences. But boys don’t care about that stuff, so it’s probably not important. But why would I want to go on a date with a guy who can’t spell? And, as my dear friend Jeni pointed out, the whole “I respect you thing” often translates into “let me do dirty things to you”.


I replied back & asked if he was drunk. Hey, at this point in the game, I call it like I see it. I didn’t completely blow him off; I did tell him if he was serious then he’d need to give me more details on job, kids, current wife, fiancé or girlfriend. IF I get a reply back, and IF it sounds slightly more put together than something a drunken frat boy would write, THEN we’ll see what happens. If not, no love lost. And if, on the off-chance John Doe* is reading this… well, two things: 1) Consider yourself fortunate that you made it into the blog. Others haven’t been as fortunate. 2) Here you go: a ready-made hand book of things to do.


Single ladies – stick together. It’s an ugly world out there!


*Names have been changed… not for protection, just out of courtesy. :)